Am I Alive??

I sit alone.. Thinking of what went past and how in an utter disarray I landed my life...
I remember the time when I was a young boy... Careless... Free... And untainted...
And then I met them.. Greed... Laziness... Failure... Deceit... And so in an instant a lot changed with almost no perceptible change.
I went out the same but I went down to doom... Impending doom called life...
My love was sapped by cheaters whom I erroneously cared for and trusted... My care was betrayed by people I thought civilized and good...


Words fail me today as I try to put down in words how much I grieve for this dilapidated ramshackle veil of a life I have been towing around for God knows how long... Tears evade me as I beg for one to ease my pain... And the heart gives in when I just need a little beat to tell me I am still alive...
The world caves in like a high pressure air sphere crushing me from all sides... People change lanes to avoid walking a way with me... And Life forsakes me to prevent death taking it away from me when I surely do want to die...


I don't know how or when or where even what did happen... But as I sit here trying to understand what i did wrong in my way of living, I am left with a gaping question.... AM I STILL ALIVE??

I will go on...

I remember the times... The happy me... The cheerful me...

And then I was cheated... I was betrayed... I was left exposed to the blithering hurricane of life...

There were people I loved.. For whom I gave up all.. and when I needed them the most all I got was a passing nod.. a nod to say;"To hell with you.. Who cares for you??"

I ruined my life for them coz I cared and when I needed a matress to fall onto, I was tossed to the rocks..

I cared for them like my family.. Like my blood... Like myself... And when I was drowning, sinking to the hollow bottom of despair, desperately lashing for a hand to hold onto, I was left alone to die... To fade into oblivion...

But I will go on.. In the face of unsurmountable challenges... In the sight of gory horrors... I WILL GO ON... Coz if I could stand by you in your time of need, I very well can stand by myself...

In my time of need, with the heart on fire,

You see not those, you most desire.

And then right there, on that desolate heath,

Your life it crumbles, it crumbles in a heap.

Alone you stand, aghast and stark,

Noone to hold you, when It lights the spark.

Betrayed and bethrawted, by ones you trust,

The anger it boils beneath the crust.

You want it out, it eats your soul,

The anger, it drills, your grit it holes,

Cracking and stumbling, you fell down to life,

You wish you were dead, just end the strife.

At times like these, you feel alone,

You feel you are broken, your will is blown,

Your hands they tremble, your lips go dry,

You see the passing reaper just stop to say 'Hi'.

You wish and wish and wish some more,

You wish the life, that Life did tore.

The pieces, the strands, the fabric of fate,

You wish you could sew them, on this date.

But no matter how lonely, no matter how stark,

Its up to you, you can stop the spark.

Wipe out the anger, clear your mind,

Steady your hand, accept the bind.

Your life is what you make,its what you believe,

The fabric of fate, can always be weaved.